What is The Forgiveness Algorithm?
It is a tool to help you navigate your way to forgiveness of a person or a situation. Life is complicated, people are complicated. You do not need a complicated why to forgive them. The Forgiveness Algorithm is a step-by-step process to help you move to a place of happiness in your heart, mind and soul.
So what is forgiveness? What is Disney trying to tell us? “Let what go?” This is the question I get most often. Many times forgiveness is confused with what forgiveness is not.
There is a misconception that if you forgive, you are condoning the actions of the offender. Or that forgiveness lets the person out of justice for what they have done. In Christianity you often hear the term “separating the sin from the sinner”. A term used to help you, the forgiver, see the action as evil or wrong but not the person. Now before you start wiggling in your seat and get ready to tell me about all the vile people out there and separating what they did from who they are is impossible, I might agree with you! But, are you their judge, jury and jailer? Do you have the authority to sentence them for the crime? Can you say what they did was wrong, immoral or hurtful. Sure you can and I am sure you are right! In the case of forgiveness it is not necessary. Forgiveness is not for them, but for you. You can leave the judging of their soul to God and the judging of their flesh to the judicial system or in the case of the irritating family member, you can decide on healthy boundaries. A fence you build to keep crazy behavior away and you still can open a gate to empathy.
Letting forgiveness happen, is like taking a step back from the situation, taking a deep breathe and letting the pain leave as you exhale. Forgiveness does not mean that you forget what happened. Forgiveness is giving up the idea you can fix what already happened. You cannot change your yesterday. Even when things happen are unexplainable, unchangeable and terribly sad. Forgiveness does not mean that the person who did the offense is not accountable for their actions; it means you are no longer their mental and emtional jailer. Forgiveness happens in your heart, mind and soul only.
If someone asks you for forgiveness you do not have to give it to him or her. Forgiveness is a choice. You have all the power. If they are acknowledging the wrong they have done to you, they are trying to make amends or apologize but it is up to you to accept that apology. If you are choosing to forgive them they will never know if you truly do. Because it is happens in your heart and your mind only. You can tell them you forgave them but, heck you could be a big fat liar. Remember that next time you ask someone else to forgive you.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
1. Who or What do you want to forgive?
2. What was your hope for the person or the situation?
3. If you had a magic wand, what one thing would you change about the situation?
4. What part of the situation do you take responsibility for?
· Do you need to make apologies?
5. What can you start doing today to help yourself heal?